and fluffy rabbit tales
by Chillaxes
Summary: Harry and his fellow classmates think that the only way to get out of another one of Snape’s test is to get him the woman of his dreams. What they don’t realize is that the book that they get the name from isn’t Snape’s diary…. One shot


Harry and his fellow classmates think that the only way to get out of another one of Snape's test is to get him the woman of his dreams. What they don't realize is that the book that they get the name from isn't Snape's diary…. One shot.

Harry sat at his desk while looking out the window of his defense against the dark arts class. Snape had finally gotten the job of his dreams, and he was still just as mean. Even Draco had to admit he was pretty harsh.

"Professor please! Not even bushhead could be expected to take all this in!" Hermione opened her mouth to counter Molfy's words, but only a sigh came out. He was right. Ron rubbed his girlfriends back reassuringly. Harry just sighed and turned his attention to the other window. Ginny sat glaring at Cho chang, while Cho chang brushed her long flowing hair. _What a bitch…_ thought Ginny. She turned her attention back at her bf's back.

"I don't care! Now Dumbledore allowed you to vote for your next teacher and I won so don't complain. You got what you wished for!" Snape spun back around and began to write on the board. The entire class sighed, realizing he was right. But they had only voted for him in hopes that he would be happy and therefore nicer. What a mistake! Needless to say, when the bell rang, everyone was gone.

The next day, everyone was standing outside of Snape's classroom waiting for him to open the door. He was late, which was weird for him, as he was always early when it meant the torture of children. It was cowardly silent, that is until Pansy showed up, her posy close behind. Her hair was in a messy bun on the nap of her neck and she was obviously pissed off. Everyone moved out of her way, and coward when she suddenly stopped in front of Hermione. "You! You're the one who told us to vote for him as teacher in the first place! Well, thanks to you I haven't been able to get any beauty sleep because I'm doing his homework, and I'm horny because all the guys _and_ girls are too busy studying ! And yes, Draco, I said and girls, I'm desperate o.k.!" Hermione pushed the last thought out of her mind, and calmly looked Pansy in the eyes. It burned. "What do you want me to do about it?" Pansy glared back so hard that everyone had to shield their I eyes. All but Hermione of course. "I've got a plan that just might work."

The moon was high in the sky on another cloudless night .Snape was asleep, dreaming of nothing as all of his dreams had really come true. As Snape slept, fifteen students slide into his room. Pansy, Hermione and Ginny where in the lead, tip toeing the others on. The others were poking around for any book that looked like a diary. "Hay look, I found something!" Ron whispered. He flicked on his flashlight to look at the bookmarked book. "Is it the diary?" asked Harry. "No just… porn." Said Ron in reply, covering his eyes as he felt around for more books. "Well, I'm mentally scared for life." They tip toed forward, jumping over shoes and papers. "Yo! No way!" Dean whispered. "What is it? The diary?" Hermione shot back. "no, even better! Yugioh! manga! The chicks are so hot!" Ginny giggled. "And all the guys are hot, too!" Pansy and Ginny joined hands. " oh, I know right! It's like Saturday morning porn! What do you think.. of Marik?" they squealed and quietly jumped up and down, not caring that they were enemies or that Cho chang, Angelina, and Dean all joined in. When they had finished there Marik's hot bod spaz for the day ( because he truly is hot) the group continued on, going deeper into his room. Finally Hermione 

saw it. "Look two books on his dresser. But which one?" they were about to check when a familiar song began to blast from behind them.

Captain: Are you ready kids?

Kids: Aye-aye Captain.

Captain: I can't hear you...

Kids: Aye-Aye Captain!!

Captain: Oh! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

Captain: Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!

Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

Captain: If nautical nonsense be something you wish...

Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

Captain: Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!

Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

Captain: Ready?

EveryBody: SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants!

Captain: SpongeBob... SquarePants! Haha.

At this point , Snape snaped up in his bed. This caused everyone else to spaz out. Half of them ran out of his room in a noisy clatter, including Ron, who left Hermione behind. Hermione and Pansy were ducking while holding on to the book, and Fred and George, the culprits, tried to turn off the tv. Snape was shouting, which was nothing new to the group. Suddenly, Dean grabbed a nearby vase and tossed it to his ex, Ginny. "Think fast!" then he dashed for the door. And of course, Ginny thought fast, and whapped Snape over the head with it. Then she thought a bit faster, and grabbed a fallen pillow, and placed it over his head to keep him quiet. Hermione and Pansy ran and pried Ginny off the teacher. "Sorry, I'm just so pissed!" Hermione shrugged" Whatever! I got the book let's go!" And with that, they were gone.

Back at the Gryffindor manor, all fifteen people were sitting on the floor eating sushi and drinking root beer floats. They were trying to catch their breath. Hermione and Pansy were reading the diary. "So, the woman of dreams is really her?" "It's written all over the book, and he redrew all of her stories and 

everything." "But Potter, I mean, really?" Hermione sighed. "It's worth a try." Pansy sighed and ripped out a page with the woman's name on it. She handed it to Hermione, who dipped in the mix Draco had made. Suddenly a big puff of pink smoke appeared, and the pot was empty and dry. "Did it work?" Asked Dean. "We have to wait and see." Was all Draco said. "Wait and see."

Two weeks had passed and everyone was a nervous wreck. Snape was still in search of the thieves who stole his book, his wallet, his Spongebob tapes, his DVD player, his entire collection of Yugioh manga, his "special" magazines, and his newly bought faux fox fur couch.(when they spazed, they spazed!). Everyone sat through another boring class. Draco counted his newly "found" money, Dean and Ginny read Yugioh under the desk, and Cho chang was selling her new DVD player and couch on Ebay via phone. Harry and Ron read the back of their new Spongebob tapes. Hermione turned back in her chair to see what Nevile was doing and wished she hadn't, he was enjoying his new "Special" magazines, one staring Hedi Klum. She and Pansy sighed simontansly, thinking the same thing. _Were is it? _Suddenly there was a knock on the classroom door. When it opened, there stood the young version of none other then-

"Beatrix Potter!" Everyone was shocked. The class because it worked, and Snape because she was still alive. "It worked!" said Hermione in a whisper. Pansy winked to Hermione, and Hermione winked back. Their plan was in motion, and now it was time to hook them up.

Snape sat uncomfortably across what should have been a 100 year old woman. Yet she still didn't look a day over 30. They made small talk, but in all they were silent. Snape knew that his student's had done it by magic, but what he didn't know was that this causal lunch his students put him up to was really a date. Everyone was hiding in Snape's kitchen, as they had promised to cook. Pansy finally couldn't take it anymore. "They need something to talk about!" She walked and placed down another basket of bread sticks. "Hay, B, I bet you didn't know Snape's addicted to porn." Pansy ran back to the kitchen to watch. Snape's face was white as a ghost. But Beatrix's face was more confused. "What's porn?" she asked in the most honest voice she could. Snape stopped eating his breadstick. "You mean you don't know? Wait, do you even know what Yugioh is?" "Yugi what?" Everyone gasped, Dean fainted, and Ginny choked on an entire breadstick she attempted to stuff in her mouth. "Come with me", and with that the two were gone.

Everyday was like a day in heaven . Snape love teaching Beatrix's about modern stuff, and she loved to learn. The music, the technology, and the culture was like a whole new world in her eyes. But those two weren't the only one enjoying the benefits. Snape's students had gotten little to no homework, and test were so rare that everyone had time for napes, hanging out, and sex. Even enemies became friends, as Pansy found herself hanging out with Hermione more then she normally would. Yes, everything was perfect, until the morning of Halloween. All of Snape's students where happily sitting outside of his classroom waiting for him to arrive to open the room. He normally wasn't late but today was an exception. Suddenly, Dumbledore appeared. He placed a note on the door and left. Hermione grabbed it off the door and read it aloud. "Due to personal issues, Professor Snape will not be attending classes today. Please report to the library." Everyone bustled trying to figure what it could mean. Dean finally spoke. "Let's go and check!" So left everyone did to go and check on their new favorite teacher.

When they arrived at the house, they found Snape knelt next to his bed, with Beatrix laying down. Snape heard them signaled for them to come near. "I don't what spell you used, but it's wearing off. Her age is catching up with her, and she's going to die!" Everyone turned to Draco. "I don't know, a simple animation potion." Hermione flipped. "Animation potion? Everyone knows that those wear off every Halloween! How stupid!" Pansy jumped in." Hay, he's not stupid bitch!" Dean laughed. "Shut up!" Pansy shouted. Ginny was the next to jump in. "Hay, leave him alone!" Then Harry. "Wait you belong to me why re defending him?" then Ron. "My sister belongs to no one, you bloody wanker!" Before you knew it everyone was yelling, and while this happened, Beatrix heard it all. "Hay, didn't you say you did this together? As friends? Then why not look for a solution as friends?" They all stopped for a moment and thought on what she said. "She is right. You want to do this.. friend?' Pansy put out her hand for a shake. Hermione shock back. "Let's get Stella her black man back!"

As Draco mixed and Harry chanted, the rest brought her water and read her stories and reminisced. As time passed, she got older, and everyone tried to hurry, trying to beat midnight. They had finally finished the perfect potion at 11:51. They rushed it to her side and gave her the cup to drink. It touched her lips, and then fell from her hands. As the cup fell and the clock chimed 12:00 a man and his students cried after the lose of a friend. But they cried together as they had laughed together, and the Halloween winds blew on.

Years had past since that day, and the fifteen students had grown and kids of there own. Unfortunately, they were reuniting for a sad reason. Snape had died. And they had come to pay there finally respects. As the flowers fell on the graves, the all remembered Snape for all the good times and the bad. Ginny began to walk back to Harry's car with her daughter and her son, when she realized she was missing one. She called back to Cho chang, her second daughter, a little mixed kid around the age of 10 who looked nothing like the rest of the Potter family. Her daughter ran toward her and got in the car. "Mommy, mommy, look! Some nice lady gave me this at the tombstone!" Ginny felt on her shoulder and pulled the furry thing forward. It was small stuffed velveteen rabbit. Stuffed inside the pocket on the back was a small black book. She opened it and read.

Dear diary,

I got robbed a couple of days ago and someone stole my book the Velveteen Rabbit by Beatrix Potter. Good thing they didn't take you. Dumbass.

_Love Snape. _

Ginny laughed, yet a tear ran down her cheek. She whipped it away and sat back in her chair closing her eyes as dreamed. Dreamed of little girl. And a little boy. And fifteen others. Playing together, with their soft little velveteen rabbit.

End


End file.
